Sunday, October 2, 2011

Five Weeks!

Holy cow.

5 wks or less until baby is here. HOW did that happen?

Pregnancy usually seems to last forever, at least to me...until now. Now I'm wondering where it went.

If I make it to 39 wks (which the OB doubts) he'll induce, so I know it won't be more than 5 wks from now.

Am I the only one that can get to the end of pregnancy and find the idea of a new baby in the house still a bit surreal? I mean, I know it's happening, but trying to imagine the reality just escapes me somehow.

Its also interesting how different it is, being that this is our last baby. My other kids, I was in a 'hurry up, get to the end, have the baby already!' feeling.

This time, I find myself in the mind set of whenever it happens, it happens, enjoy the feeling of baby rumbling around while I can.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011


Well, the parental visit has come and gone.  It went amazingly well.

Currently, we're preparing for the upcoming changes Chez Stepford. 

First, getting the hs area torn apart and reorganized for school to start next week.

Second is getting ready for the new baby, due mid Nov.  I have the feeling, though, that it will be a planned delivery.  With RSD and the other medical issues that have come up, I suspect that they're not going to want me to labour unsupervised.

So, I figure we've got 8-9 wks left to get ready.

I'm tired already!  Decluttering, cleaning, organizing is done in fits and starts, and leaves me in a foul mood.  I hate being hampered and not being able to simply do what needs done.  The progress around here is like being nibbled to death by ducks...and I get to put up with snarky comments from my husband, such as, "I thought you were going to do x,y,z today..."  Yeah, well...I can't always finish what I start, not in the same day.  Gets done eventually, but sometimes the partway point looks worse than the original situation.

Any wonder I'm in a foul mood?

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Contemplating the Future

Yes, long time no post!

There's been so much going on, I hardly know where to begin.

First off, the MPO.  Contradictory info, basically sent us back to the beginning in terms of dealing with WCB.  3 yrs in, and no further ahead.  *sigh*  In fact, they're sending me back to work, yet AGAIN the 2nd wk of August.  As per experience, I expect it to fail miserably, but have to jump through the hoop anyways.

So, what else is going on?

Well, Wolf and I are adding to the crew.  Yup.  Baby Boy Tummy is due mid Nov.  How's that for news?  Crazy, aint it?  It took us a while to get over the shock, LOL!  Kidlets are excited.  They've been to the u/s appts, and so have even gotten to see their new baby brother.

We still look at and dream about moving to an acreage.  Where, we don't know.  Originally, we were looking at one province over, due to the cheap real estate prices, ease of moving, and Wolf having cousins there.  Then we switched gears and were intent on moving back to my home province.  Weather is far better there for me, my family would be within hours driving, and some of the places are still in our budget.

Now, we're not sure anymore.  Back to considering the original plan.  Part of it is absolutely that moving across country is completely daunting.  First off, we'd have to replace our vehicle.  It just wouldn't make the trip.  Second, buying property from several provinces away is enough to freak both of us out...yet if we wait til we get there, it'll mean trying to secure a rental, and be stuck in that for a year.  Yuck, yuck, yuck.  So, spending a lot of time in prayer, asking for guidance on that issue...and also that something happens soon to make it all possible.  Sooooo sick of being stuck in the city we're in.  We even considered moving to another rental, but its pretty insane here.  First of all, we'd end up paying at least as much as a mortgage, if not more.  There's no way to save $ on moving, everything we've seen is more than what we pay now.  I refuse to move and watch our rent go up by several hundred dollars.  So, we're basically stuck.

As much as there have been some changes, some up coming events, we're still in the same holding pattern we've been in for the last 3 yrs.  Blech.

On the good note, MIL isn't visiting this summer.  There's nobody willing to host her for six wks.  We can't.  Her sib in the province flat out won't.  So, we get a break.

Oh, and speaking of MIL...she threw a blue hissy fit over finding out we were expecting again.  We have no right to have another child, since we're already not living up to our responsibilities aka moving her in and taking care of her.  *sigh*  I'm back to avoiding contact with her, so as not to rip her face off over the phone.

My parents are due to land in the city in a few wks.  They'll be in town for a wk.  We'll see how that one goes.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Results of 3 Hr Testing

I haven't received the final outcome of the medical panel yet, but apparently should by next Friday.

BUT...I was told that they had to edit part of the report due to the results *finally* coming in this wk from the 3 hr torture test I went through back the beginning of April.

Got those today.

Long story short, this is the results of the testing:

"This is an abnormal study. There is evidence of abnormal responses on sudomotor (sweat), vasomotor (thermal) and sensory perception testing in the right upper limb. These findings support the diagnosis of Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (RSD)"


I was so terrified, esp when I was told the report needed to be edited due to the test results. I *knew* that my response to the testing wasn't 'normal', but my big fear was that the results would be 'inconclusive' and they'd make me go through all of that Hell again.

I feel dizzy and nauseated, I'm so relieved.

Now, just praying that the MPO agrees with my Drs now that they have objective proof of the dx, and things will be so excellent.

Many thanks to those who have given prayers and support, and continue to do so.

Sunday, May 15, 2011


Well, there's a lot going on Chez Stepford...or perhaps, too little, depending on how you look at it.

First, the medical panel.  Report was due to the head of the panel on we haven't heard squat yet.  Hopefully that will change in the next 2 wks.

Even more hopefully, the medical panel will confirm what my Drs have been saying for almost 3 yrs now...which will mean an end in sight as far as Worker's Comp goes.

We're wanting, hoping, praying, needing to move.  Of course, we can't do diddly until we know whats going on with WCB.  But, in the meantime, we're still attempting to plan.

Which leads us to our 2nd bout of treading water, and "I don't know" situation.

Initially, we were planning to moving to my home province, back east across the country.  The weather is far, far better for me, my family is there for actual physical and emotional support, and we've found numerous places via real estate listings that would more than fit the bill for what we want and need. 

BUT...we don't know how long WCB is going to take, if winding up is in the cards...and moving across Canada in the winter is just a no go.

And...there's the MIL situation.  She's in her 80s, her health is failing.  Being so far from her (she lives on the west coast) means that we'd never be able to visit her.

So, we've been considering moving to the southern part of our province.  Warmer than where we are now, to be sure...not as warm as my home province.  Means ZERO support, as I'd be at least two hrs from my best friend here in the city.  I'd be more isolated than now.

And absolutely NONE of the houses we've seen online interest me in the slightest.  They all rate a 'meh'.  I *could* stand it, if I had to...but thats not exactly what I want for buying my first house.  Plus, we have zero intention of staying forever.  We'd still be looking to move east in the next 5 yrs...buying a house would simply be a better idea than continuing to pay rent.  Build credit, equity, and get out at the first chance.

Which makes me wonder, wth are we thinking?  Moving two hrs away really doesn't fix anything better than moving across country, with the sole exception of MIL.  I'd still need new Drs, involve a big move...To what actual benefit?  None, really...not for the family under my roof.

Well, that's not exactly true.  Wolf would breathe a bit easier, knowing he could be to his mother in less than a day's travel if need be.

MIL, however, has recently DEMANDED that we move near her, so she could 'move with us'.  Uh, no.  Moving in with us is not an option, period.

I'm so close to saying, "Heck with it, I'm NOT living anywhere on the basis of your mother, lets pack and go." that I could spit.  She could move if she wants, once we're settled.  Why should our lives pattern around her?!


I want to do whats best for my family.  Praying for guidance, for direction, for solutions.

Feel free to cast a vote in the comment section!

Friday, April 29, 2011

Today's The Day...No, Not The Royal Wedding...

I go for the big medical panel meeting this am. Three specialists and the head of the medical panel will be hearing the information, probably examining me (icky, eww, pain) and then writing a report stating if I am capable of working at all.

All my drs say no, I'm unable. Worker's Comp doesn't like that answer, hence the MPO.

Last I heard, they hadn't yet received the info from the 3 hr torture...err...testing session.

If folks could pray for us, that this goes in our favour, that they agree with *my* specialists (there's 3 of them, plus 3 other independant exams that have said yes, I have RSD) I would be very grateful.

I don't know what shape I'll be in later, depending on what exams might be done, so I may not update until tomorrow.


Monday, April 25, 2011

The Hits Keep On Coming...

Ok, first the good news.  Baby nephew was released from the hospital yesterday.  Talk about a happy Easter for my brother and his wife!!

And now, the rest of life...

Wolf thought he pulled a muscle in his side at work.  Turned out to be shingles.

Medical Panel is demanding to physically examine me on Friday.  Which, translated to someone with RSD means, "We're going to hurt you.  Repeatedly.  Because, even though you've been examined at LEAST a half dozen times before, and everyone agrees its RSD, we want to have a poke at you ourselves...RSD just isn't common, you know."

Easter was ok, kids loved everything.

And that's the post and run update for now.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Stressed Out

There's so much going on right now, I'm not sure which end is up.

My nephew, a few wks old, has some serious health issues. He was born with both a sealed valve, and a hole in his heart. They've put a temp shunt in, and intend for him to have surgery btwn 4-6 mths of age to fix the hole and put in a perm shunt.

He's been admitted to the hospital...he was having blood in his diapers. My bro and his wife were told by 2 different ERs that it was a milk allergy. A check up a day later at the children's hospital showed it was a bowel infection. He's in for at least 2 wks, to a month. Last I heard the antibiotics are working, but they can't feed him b/c he needs to heal, so he's on an IV only.

Then I've got the medical panel next Friday. Decisions will be made as to the future of my workers comp claim...but I have no clue as to what I'm walking into. I know that the bone scan showed no abnormalities...basically, I've kept up my physio at home and have so far staved off bone loss, which is great for my health, but bad for the medical panel whose looking for objective evidence of RSD. *sigh* I don't have a clue, and won't know until the day, the results of the other testing. I'm terrified.

If it were just me effected, I could deal...but this impacts my family too.

I feel guilty for worrying, b/c my nephew's health is so much more frightening and dire, but can't shake it either. Does that make me self absorbed?

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Where To Start?!

Honestly. Things have just gotten out of control around here.

Ever since my testing over a week ago, I've been barely treading water. The testing was over 3 hrs long, incredibly painful, tortuous...and at no time was I allowed to say, "Enough", or "Stop" because that would mean I was non-compliant, and worker's comp would have had a field day.

I still can't be in my own bed without nightmares or flashes of being strapped down to that table while someone hurt me, over and over again.

Yet, life does go on. I need to do laundry, vacuum, steam clean, the bathroom is a disaster...the list goes on. And on. Everything that I haven't done while I've been licking my wounds has just stacked up. And up.

Its just so overwhelming this am. I know that the place to start is anywhere, just get going. Logically, I know this. So why is it, emotionally, I'm curled up in a ball hiding under my desk?

I think its the whole feeling of being completely helpless, unable to even protect myself, being a bug pinned down to someone's tray while they poked and prodded and reduced me to an injured animal that has left me feeling completely incompetent in every aspect of my life.

PTSD has occurred to me. I see my psychologist Friday.

I find it ironic. Assaulted by a resident. RSD sets in, robbing me of my dominant hand and arm. Constant pain. Losing my life as a whole, healthy woman, wife and mother.

But its the testing that has me completely falling apart. A 3 hr test from H*ll, no debate...but you'd think I could shake it off if all the rest of the crud didn't break me. I guess I've hit my limit.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

So Tired Of This!!


I'm back to flipping btwn sweats and chills.  I *thought* I'd figured out what the problem was, and hadn't had an episode for the past few days.

Yeah.  Til an hour ago.

RSD sucks.  Its screwed with my nervous system so much.  The arm is bad enough, but when your own personal thermostat is toasted, its plain nuts.  Like having the flu all. the. time.

Wearing layers doesn't help, because either its too much, and then flips to way too little.  And vice versa.

I need a reset button.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Things I've Learned In the Last 24 Hours

Things I've Learned In the Last 24 Hours...
  • My younger bro is officially a Daddy, with the birth of his first child.
  • Baby goes for heart surgery anytime, must be in his first 24 hrs.
  • It sucks being across country, and of no use to them at all.
  • I can, by using my good arm and forcing my bad up, get a partial dislocation back in.
  • The manouver, however, ended up in me vomiting in my kitchen sink.
  • A housecoat belt, tied in a slip knot, can work as a weird sling to try and keep the shoulder in place.
There's a lot more thats happened since I last posted, and my apologies for my absence.  I promise a fuller update soon, but I'm feeling like I'm going to be sick again, so it'll have to wait.

My sincere thanks to those who have stuck with following the blog despite my lack of entries.