Bummed

I'm not exactly sure where this post is going, so bear with me, k?

I'm not sure if its just the week that's getting to me...the going for yet ANOTHER exam by a stranger for Workers Compensation, and the ramifications (aka pain and exhaustion) of that, but I feel like I'm treading water and its frustrating the daylights out of me.

Diva is doing incredibly well, as I've posted at the other blog, and I'm so proud of her.
The Littles are...well, they're The Littles, lol!

What makes me nuts is wanting to move so badly. Wolf and I have wanted to live on an acreage since before we married. I'm a real estate junkie, checking out real estate sites and drooling the way others do porn. I'm forever looking at properties online. I know of at least FOUR properties in excellent locations for me (warmer weather than where we currently live...winters are brutal on me here) but not too far away, would carry a mortgage for around the same as we pay in rent...but we're completely stuck here, because of Workers Comp. Moving would be equal to quitting my job, and therefore I would lose all my Workers Comp benefits.

Its like I see all these wonderful opportunities before us, but are completely unable to even CONSIDER going after one of them. Heck, I'm not even sure that we'd qualify for a mortgage with our credit, but why even bother to find out since we can't procede? Even checking causes your credit to have a hit on it, and I'm not about to hit my credit for nothing, thanks. Plus, I'm fully aware that Workers Comp does owe me a settlement based on my 'non work loss'...some weird thing they do, figuring out that all my non work life (social, family, parenting, marriage, etc) is worth $x a year, and they pay your whatever % of that $x based on one year. One year only. Doesn't matter that you'll always be disabled, its a one year, one time thing...completely STUPID to me, but better than nothing...and that settlement would be a down payment, albeit a small one, on a house.

So, I sit, treading water, watching these beautiful properties that we could totally afford come and go, and pray and pray and pray that when the time comes there is still a property that we can afford and that is suitable for a family our size available. As unpredictible as the real estate market is, I live with the fear that by the time everything is sorted out, we won't be able to afford what we need, and will be stuck renting for years to come.

I hate living in the city, in a townhouse. I hate that my neighbours are so close that we have to constantly remind the children to be quiet. I hate that the yard is so small we can't have a swing set, or any type of play structure at all. Our 'garden' is a small brick structure out front. I want my kids to have room to run and yell and not worry about disturbing the neighbours. I want a garden that actually has room for vegetables...enough to feed us, and then can for the winter months.

I shouldn't whine. We have a park right across the road we can go to anytime, and a community centre for swimming very close. I just see opportunity a breath away and cannot even consider pursuing it.

I keep telling myself that God has a plan, that God knows what is right for us, and God will provide a way when the time is right. Unfortunately, I'm very, VERY human, and patience is NOT one of my many virtues!

Major HUGE Diva Brag...

If you *don't* go to Homeschooling, The Non Stepford Style, you might want to make an exception this once...major, MAJOR Diva braggin goin on...Nope, I'm not gonna spill the beans here, you've got to check out the other blog. That's all I'm sayin.

Major Brag.

Major Diva brag.

Major, MAJOR, Diva brag.

Get over there already!

About Generalizations

I just wanted to hit on a comment about generalizations. Just as much as there are folks in genuine need of food stamps, welfare, etc and not abusing, and those that do abuse, the same can be said for disability...and let me tell ya, its no picnic to be the one who truly NEEDS Workers Comp to ante up and pay right when you're truly disabled. I doubt its any different in the States than here in Canada from the horror stories I've read on other boards, and yet much of the same attitude prevails..."What do you mean you can't WORK?!" despite the fact I have three doctors saying that I'm unfit for any level of employment...its not my personal opinion of the situation, its their medical assessment. Add to it that chronic pain is an invisible disability, and it makes for loads of fun. Comments like, "You look perfectly ok to me!" make it even more so.

Yes, there will always be some jerk that is on the 6 pm news for painting a house when he's on disability for a supposed back injury, or others who know how to milk the system for all its worth and then some. Heck, I've witnessed people like that at the treatment centre I was forced to go to for several weeks of useless, albeit excruciatingly painful pt, who bragged about moonlighting at other jobs while using their WCB funds to pay the rent. Its jerks like those that cause the issues for people like me who need the system. Its jerks like those that people think of when they hear that I'm on Workers Comp.

I guess what I'm starting this thread for is an open thought or plea that if you happen to run into someone that is on Workers Comp, don't start listing a whole bunch of jobs for them to try. Its pretty frustrating to hear. I've worked with a vocational specialist. Its not that I don't want to work that keeps me from taking you up on 'my cousin Joe has a company, I know he could use a worker like you, lemme give you his phone number!' its that I genuinely, medically, am unfit for any employment. Please don't get offended when someone doesn't take you up on your offer of help. Its not that they prefer to be on WCB. Trust me. Unless you've run into the probably 6 or 7% of folks that are milking it, they'd rather be working.