Monday, March 15, 2010

Don't Scream...And A Request

Perhaps this entry should be in my 'Chronic Pain and Me' blog, but since it involves so much more, I'm putting it here.

On Friday, we had an incredibly close call. My husband, Wolf, pulled into a McDs to take advantage of the 'free small coffee' deal currently happening. (Americans, don't feel jealous, its McDs way of attempting to compete with the annual Roll Up promo at Timmies). Getting back into the van, he discovered that one of his rear wheels was locked up solid.

Turned out that his rear brake had literally exploded.

Wolf takes the highway straight to work. If he hadn't pulled in for coffee exactly when he did, the locked up wheel would have sent him directly into oncoming traffic.

$700 later, the van is back on the road...and I still tremble when I think how close we came to tragedy.

Then I checked my email on Saturday. I've been offline for a bit, dealing with pain and depression.

Clearing my email, I discovered that a friend I've known since she was nearing the end of her pregnancy with her first dd, and I was finishing my first trimester with Tazzie had lost her 1 yo baby girl this past week.

She'd put her down for a nap, and found her dead when she went to wake her.

Her husband has been able to make it home from Afghanistan, and the funeral is tomorrow.

My heart breaks for her. I've wept so many times since finding out, reading her posts in the group we're in together.

Yes, that's right. She's an 'online' friend...but as real a friend as someone I'd go for coffee with.

I can't imagine her pain. I hurt for her, her eldest dd, her husband...but nowhere the reality of the Hell they're going through, that I know.

And right now, for me, the litany of, 'Don't scream. Don't scream. Don't scream.' is racing through my mind as I count down the minutes to Wolf getting home. The arm is flared all the heck up to the point where even typing this solely with my good hand is still reverberating through my arm, making me grit my teeth and bathing my body in the cold, greasy sweat that accompanies pain flare ups.

The weather is stunningly gorgeous. I haven't bumped myself, or any of the other 'known' issues that would cause a flare.

Good old fashioned emotional stress perhaps. PMS perhaps. Or perhaps nothing at all, just having RSD.

I feel tears brimming, and I couldn't tell you who they're for. My friend, mourning her baby, or just physical pain.

RSD even robs me of that. When I want most to be praying for my friend and her family, focusing on offering whatever support I can on THEM, RSD takes me down, making me self centred, driving me into a ball of pain.

So, I'm asking readers of my blog to please do what I can't right now. Please pray for J, her dh M, and their dd E. I don't use my name on my blog, so I won't post theirs...I've no doubt God will know who the prayers are for. Pray for their strength as they say goodbye to baby M, for love, healing for them...whatever, anything that you are moved to do.