Friday, November 5, 2010

Ever Have A Day...

Ever have a day when God's love for you was so apparent, so vivid, so overwhelmingly *there* that it left you feeling so filled with light, hope, peace, love?

I'm having that day.  I've never before experienced it.

Let me share with you what has happened today.  Its incredible.

First, I haven't slept.  Not unusual in my life.

However, at 3am, I turned on the tv.  It was left on where Diva watched the Cosby Show before bed...a Christian channel.  It had a show on...and brought back my most difficult time in my life, when I left my parents abusive home.

You see, a gf of mine's Dad worked for that show at the time.  When she found out I'd left home due to the abuse, she turned to her parents and asked them to take me in.

They did.  No hesitation.  No questions.  No doubt from them at all that what I said was real and true.

My mother showed up at their door, screaming and ranting and raving, spewing venom and hatred and threats.

There was no doubt in my mind that my dad was capable of showing up and assaulting my gf's Dad.

They put themselves, their dd, and their younger ds in that jeopardy for me.  Me, the child who had been taught from the age of 5 to answer the question, "Who are you?" with, "Nobody.  I'm nothing." and believed it with all my heart and soul.

They protected me from my mother at the door.  They agreed with the police to provide me with a safe place until CPS decided what to do.  CPS didn't want me...I would be turning 16 that summer (this all happened New Year's Eve, my leaving).

They fought CPS to take me in, to do something to protect me.

Anyways...seeing this show brought all that back.  And I was compelled to find these parents again.  Over 20 yrs later, I *needed* to find them, thank them, tell them how incredible and grateful and amazed I was and am for what they did.  They were the first to show me I had worth.  I was worth protecting. An impossible concept for me to grasp then.

So, I searched.  Immediately, I hit on a listing that I *knew* would be them.  I waited until a decent time (7am for me, 9am for them) to call, and did.

It was indeed her Dad that answered the phone.  He immediately knew who I was when I told him my name.

I spent almost 2 hrs talking with him.  He'd never forgotten me, had prayed for me, worried for me, shared my story with many families over the years, and hoped to hear that I was ok one day.  We both cried, he prayed for me and said things that my soul so needed to hear, to the point that I was doing the whole snotty nose, tear dripping, chest heaving sobs.

I've felt so incredibly blessed since then.  So enlightened, loved, clean.  Worthy, in a way that I've never ever experienced.

I've been blessed today in a way I never could have imagined.  Over 20 yrs late in coming, my contacting him, was an incredible blessing for us both.

I just wanted to share this incredible feeling.  God is so good.  I know He loves me in a part of my heart that was so dark and scared and scarred before that I couldn't embrace or accept it before.

Thank you, God.  Thank you.