As I mentioned on the previous entry, insomnia has been an issue for me this week.
Wednesday eve it continued. I was 72 hrs and counting with less than two hours of sleep.
When Wolf woke up Thursday am and discovered me sleeping, he called in to work and took the day off. I have no real memories of yesterday. Fragmented bits and pieces, nothing really solid. I woke up at 9pm, found Wolf snoozing in the recliner in the living room, and shoo'ed him off to bed. Next thing I know, he's waking *me* up on the couch announcing its 5am.
Its a completely bizarre thing, to lose an entire day. But what an incredible difference it is to actually feel *rested* for a change! I thought I'd been doing well, keeping it together. Now that I'm rested, I wonder how on Earth I stayed standing!
Monday night, I slept not at all. I made it through until after supper, then loaded up on my meds and headed off to bed around 6 pm.
By 830, I was still awake. Took some melatonin.
930, still awake.
I was still awake when Wolf got up to get ready for work. I managed to fall asleep after that, so got a grand total of 90 minutes of sleep.
Its so frustrating. I feel like crying. I take all the meds I'm supposed to to get to sleep. Sometimes they work, other times, nada. I need to get some regular sleep.
Its a vicious cycle. I can't sleep, so my pain levels go up. Because my pain levels are up, I can't sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat.
It takes everything I am to keep on my feet, keep moving. Sitting on the couch, trying to read a book, the type begins to blur, and I start to nod off. My kids need me, so that's not acceptable at all. We have school to do, Diva needs math tests marked, I have history to read aloud to all of them...In short, far too much to do for Mommy to pass out on the couch.
I realize it opens the door for ppl to start banging on the 'Send Them To School' drum, but that's not an option. RSD has stolen so much from me that I won't allow it to negatively impact my children's education.
Wolf continues to be amazed/frustrated/worried about my not sleeping. He can't understand how I can "take enough meds to drop a horse" yet still not sleep. Its ridiculous to the nth degree.
My GP just raised the dose of one med a few wks ago, told me he wanted me to try it for a month before we make any changes. I see him on Friday, and I'm going to be telling him that I can't afford to wait a month. This need to be changed now. Its hit or miss with the meds. The first week or so I took them, they worked beautifully. Fast forward to now, and they're as effective as a Tic Tac.
Quiet time is just 5 hrs away. I can make it til then. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.
I know I must. Housework can go fly a kite today, but homeschooling...that's not optional for me. It must happen.
I have an hour to gather my wits, to call on what paitence I may have in reserve, and be ready to educate my kids.
I will do this.
Although, I do admit, I can't remember the last time that I was running on 90 minutes sleep in 2 days. Not saying it hasn't happened, just that I can't remember it...Which is likely just as well.
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