Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Insomnia, Day 2

Monday night, I slept not at all.  I made it through until after supper, then loaded up on my meds and headed off to bed around 6 pm.

By 830, I was still awake.  Took some melatonin.

930, still awake.

I was still awake when Wolf got up to get ready for work.  I managed to fall asleep after that, so got a grand total of 90 minutes of sleep.

Its so frustrating.  I feel like crying.  I take all the meds I'm supposed to to get to sleep.  Sometimes they work, other times, nada.  I need to get some regular sleep.

Its a vicious cycle.  I can't sleep, so my pain levels go up.  Because my pain levels are up, I can't sleep.  Wash, rinse, repeat.

It takes everything I am to keep on my feet, keep moving.  Sitting on the couch, trying to read a book, the type begins to blur, and I start to nod off.  My kids need me, so that's not acceptable at all.  We have school to do, Diva needs math tests marked, I have history to read aloud to all of them...In short, far too much to do for Mommy to pass out on the couch.

I realize it opens the door for ppl to start banging on the 'Send Them To School' drum, but that's not an option.  RSD has stolen so much from me that I won't allow it to negatively impact my children's education.

Wolf continues to be amazed/frustrated/worried about my not sleeping.  He can't understand how I can "take enough meds to drop a horse" yet still not sleep.  Its ridiculous to the nth degree.

My GP just raised the dose of one med a few wks ago, told me he wanted me to try it for a month before we make any changes.  I see him on Friday, and I'm going to be telling him that I can't afford to wait a month.  This need to be changed now.  Its hit or miss with the meds.  The first week or so I took them, they worked beautifully.  Fast forward to now, and they're as effective as a Tic Tac.

Quiet time is just 5 hrs away.  I can make it til then.  I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

I know I must.  Housework can go fly a kite today, but homeschooling...that's not optional for me.  It must happen.

I have an hour to gather my wits, to call on what paitence I may have in reserve, and be ready to educate my kids.

I will do this.

Although, I do admit, I can't remember the last time that I was running on 90 minutes sleep in 2 days.  Not saying it hasn't happened, just that I can't remember it...Which is likely just as well.

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