Actual Conversations At The Stepford House

I'm pretty sure 'normal' families don't have conversations like this.

Wolf: Women are malicious. Men will just kill you, but women want to watch you suffer...preferably for years.

Me: Name one thing I've ever deliberately done to cause you pain.

Wolf: *grins*

Me: MARRYING you does NOT count!

****
(Bedtime for Tazzie)

Taz: Uh oh

Me: What?

Taz: I stink

Me: What?!

Taz: I farted. I can't sleep, its stinky *starts flapping his blankets*

Me: *just about gagging* Too bad, you made it, you sleep in it.

Five minutes later:

Taz: Woof! Woof! I'm a dog!

Me: ok, night puppy...*puts glass of water on his headboard*

Taz: Woof! Woof! Puppies need a bowl, not a cup! Woof! Woof!

Me: You can use the cup.

Taz: Woof! I don't gots thumbs! Puppies can't hold cups! Need a bowl! Woof!

Me: Then when you get thirsty, you'll have to change back into a boy. G'night!

Taz: *starts crawling out of his room, 'woofing' and wiggling his butt.

Me: Puppies don't have thumbs, so they can't play xbox tomorrow. And little boys that get out of bed can't play either.

Taz: *runs back into his room*

Honestly, this can't be normal. Can it? For the record, Taz has been an issue to get to bed lately. I don't doubt that he saved his gas emissions all day just to try and use gas warfare as a delay bedtime technique. And no thumbs? Ok, so I've told the cat that since he didn't have thumbs he didn't get his choice of seats in the livingroom, but oy!