I've finally figured out WHY I'm the Non Stepford Wife model.
Its my kids' fault. And, by DNA responsibility and other issues, my husband's.
But definitely the kids.
Lets start with the fact that there isn't a parenting manual in existence that deals with the issues I face on a regular/daily basis.
Take today for example. There isn't a parenting manual on the shelf that deals with potty training a la non-Stepford style. Princess has been 'sorta' trained for about a year. The 'sorta' parts come in when she will not ever wear anything on her butt. Initially, putting underwear on this kid had her screaming like I'd dipped her in acid. And not the funky hippie dream, Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds acid either.
Sooooooo, we let her go bare butt in the house. Never an accident.
But the problem arises when its time to go somewhere. Yes, even homeschoolers take their kids out. Occasionally.
Put a diaper on her, she uses it. Usually in the worst, smelliest, leakiest way possible. I know there are other moms that read this blog, so I know I don't need to get any more detailed than that. Same with disposable so-called training pants. Training my left foot! Only training that occurred was when I had to teach/train Wolf that they rip down the sides, you don't have to slide a poop filled training pants down her legs. Lets all take a moment for a group shudder at the visual that sentence produced. *shudder*
Until.
I found a no name brand disposable training pant that had PRINCESSES on it. From my Princess' all time favourite movie(s), Shrek 1-3. Well now. Defiling those were obviously a no-no. *cue angels singing*
Of course, me being me, didn't figure this out ahead of time, and neglected to buy out the entire in store stock (they were even on sale). However, the bridge between 'bare butt' and 'scream like a banshee' has been bridged, and she will wear underwear now. *cue angelic chorus*
But only if they're pink. With flowers. aka 'pretty'. *headdesk*
Sigh.
I figure that she'll be in normal underwear about a week before she turns 21, and then will be demanding thongs a week after THAT.
In the meantime, I have a three year old that appears out of nowhere, panties around her ankles, announcing "I pooped!", handing me a roll of toilet paper, and bending over. All my other kids had the grace to simply holler at the top of their lungs for help from the bathroom. Not her. *sigh*
Take that, parenting manual. Never read THAT being discussed.
Its not just my youngest either. Tazzie, at 4, has been known to listen to me, cock his head to the side with a puzzled look, and tell me, "I just can't visualize that, Mom." and walks off.
Seriously.
And, the most psyche scarring event of all occurred with Diva, my eldest daughter today. I.Had.To.Teach.Her.To.Shave.
I may never recover. I literally crawled into Wolf's lap, shaking.
(As an aside, why do men think the cure to psychological scarring is them receiving...uh...personal attention? Or is it just my dh?)
As my ever helpful husband said, "At least it was just under her arms. She could have been asking about bikini---" He wasn't allowed to finish that sentence.
Parenting manuals at the Non-Stepford home...best used as paperweights. Or to start fires...if we had a fireplace. *sigh* And I could use some help, dang it!!
Migraine came back, ended up in the ER.
Very long evening cut short, the CT was clear, they did 3 tries at a lumbar puncture and couldn't get it. Wanted me to stay the night and get it done this am with xray and dye.
I said thanks, but no thanks and came home. There was something like a 2-3% chance it could have been missed in the CT...I figure thats a pretty low chance, and was way sore and in tears when I made the decision.
I basically laid on the couch yesterday. The Littles took turns snuggling with Mommy. My back is still really tender from the three attempts at the lumbar puncture.
The nurse that was there when the Dr was doing the puncture was a young woman, probably a recent graduate...she was sooooooo nice! Poor girl...she was attempting to comfort me, and rubbed my bad arm...I yelped. But, she stuck by me, letting me attempt to break her hand as the Dr did the three attempts.
Headache is still present, giving me a vague pressure/pain thing...but unless it gets dramatically worse, I'm going nowhere. The Dr warned me that if it does get dramatic again, to get my butt in to the ER again...and go through the whole song and dance once more, but to stick around for the xray puncture if needed. He said the majority of potential aneurysms turn out to be horrifically bad migraines, but my description of it sounded like a sub arachnoid aneurysm. I hear arachnoid and think spiders, lol!
I've had migraines as long as I can remember.
The one I had last night scared the heck out of me. I've had some bad ones since developing RSD, but this...this was something else.
First, keep in mind I'm on pretty heavy narcotics to start with, with a short term 'emergency' narcotic to take when the pain is beyond coping with.
So, for a migraine to get through my 'normal' meds is pretty harsh.
For it not to respond to my fast acting meds...that's even worse.
This was so incredibly bad that not only could I not move my head because my neck muscles completely seized up, but I also vomited x2. Normally, if I'm sleeping during the day (this hit at about 1215 pm...I woke dh from a nap at 130, and was in bed shortly after) I wear ear plugs and use a shirt rolled up over my eyes as a sort of sleep mask.
I couldn't use the ear plugs. They hurt like I was putting hot drill bits in my ears.
I couldn't use the shirt. It felt like I was trying to gouge out my eyes with my thumbs. Even unrolling and draping the shirt over my eyes was too much to bear. I pushed it aside, but it was still touching the top of my head, making me feel like something was trying to crush the top of my skull.
Even laying on my side, the pressure of my hand under my pillow was too much. Rolling over made me feel like my head was going to fall off.
Normally, with a migraine, I have my hand/arm over my eyes. Going up the stairs to bed, I couldn't figure out where to hold...my eyes, forehead, top of skull or back because it all hurt so badly, and felt like my skull was going to shatter.
The light and sound sensitivity was beyond incredible.
Today, I still feel very nauseated, and my neck muscles are still tight...not as bad as last night. I have pressure in the back of my skull, creeping up the right side, and beginning to make my right eye water as the pain/pressure starts up again.
I called my Dr, he's on vacation.
Called the health link, nurse says to go to a walk in clinic.
My gf, that had an aneurysm a few years ago is demanding I go into the ER, because what I had last night is EXACTLY how she felt a few days before she ended up in the hospital...after hers had ruptured, she was still walking around for a few days.
Wolf is at work. Unless the pain amps up, I'm waiting til he's home to do anything.
Yes, its Thanksgiving in Canada. Well, technically tomorrow is, but I'm cooking today...I figure I get a day to rest and recover before Wolf goes back to work!
Thanksgiving is one of those weird times of year for me. I live across country from my parents, grandmother and sibs. Wolf's mother is in another province (I count it as a blessing) and his bsibs are scattered. Its rare that we have company.
Unfortunately, for turkey buying purposes, I'm still mentally stuck in the 'feeding the hordes' mentality that I grew up with my mother doing.
I was at butterball.ca last night. Needed to find out how long to cook the turkey today.
They also have this nifty thing where you put in the number of guests, and it tells you what size turkey to buy. So, curious to find out how I did, I put in the number I'll be feeding tomorrow. Hmmm. Says I need a waaaay smaller turkey than I bought. So, I kept going.
Turns out I have exactly enough turkey to feed FIFTEEN people. To the decimal. That would be, oh...TEN more people than will be eating here...more, considering three of them are under the age of 12! 
I had the giggles so bad that I had to explain why. My husband gave me the 'geez, you're weird' look, shook his head and walked away.
He just doesn't get me.
For the record, its his fault. He usually restrains my turkey purchasing issues, but this year let me loose with only Diva for protection. We grabbed the biggest turkey out of the freezer she could lift. *blushing*
So, from our home to yours, Happy Thanksgiving!
And if you're in the neighbourhood, stop by for some turkey. We have plenty.
Stay away from the pumpkin pies though...somehow there's never too much pie.
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