Monday, September 15, 2008

And A PS...

I honestly don't know if this is a 'yes, this is what is meant' or if its just me trying to find an explaination for a ridiculous event, which is what my injury was. No way it could have been predicted or prevented, and absolutely no reason that a strain/sprain/partially torn tendon should have morphed into a perm nerve condition, other than the simple fact that it can. Maybe I'm being too prideful in thinking that there's a greater good to be served by it...that it couldn't have happened 'just cause'...does that make sense to anyone? lol!

But on the upside, I've done some praying and thinking and more praying...and if nothing else, I'm going to start preparing as though this is going to happen, rather than a maybe. It can only benefit my family, the prep. Its going to be some challenge for me, putting myself out more socially, making the effort to build a 'support system' more than I have...and that's just the crap I really loathe. But, it will be good for all of us.

I'm also taking a long hard look at my flaws and faults when it comes to being a wife, mother, and hausfrau. I see where I need to improve, and that's for my family and myself.

I know its not just merely financial or housing that has Wolf leery. He's worried about ME. How much can I really handle? The fact that I've been struggling big time with depression since my diagnosis and all the crap that goes with that gives him genuine reasons to say 'no' for fear of my taking on more than I can hope to handle, let alone do well.'s to self improvement, across the board. I need to prove things to me, and to him...that I'm worthy of such a gift as having another child.

Ok, quit gagging. I can be mushy ya know.

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