First Official Submission And Adversity

Ok, so its official.

I have now entered into a short story contest. Eeep.

Like most other things in my life, Murphy (or whatever name you wanna call it...The Advesary, Satan, Bad Luck) was a copassenger along the way.

My friend and editor, K went with me for moral support (and to fill out the p0stage label) to the post office at Shoppers. Knowing that we'd be going out to eat, I also printed off another story for editing on a whim.

So, everything's signed, sealed, and handed over.

Sitting at the restaraunt, I start looking over the other story...and realize that the first sentance off every page from page 2-14 is MISSING. I'm talking, gonzo. For whatever reason, putting a header into my copy made the top sentance vanish.

UH OH.

I've now submitted for publication an incomplete manuscript that has glaring omissions.

*insert curse words here*

Also, the post office is closed at this point. Naturally.

I call the drug store where the postal outlet is located, and have a mini meltdown, almost in tears, begging the guy to leave a note for the postal clerk to put this aside, I'll be in first thing in the am. Luckily, I opted for Express Post, so I had a receipt, tracking #, etc.

Spent the night up and down like a psychotic yo-yo, praying that they'd allow me to swap it out with the corrected version. Otherwise, not only am I gonna look like a complete donkey that doesn't have the common sense to proof before mailing, but its gonna cost me another $30, btwn the mailing and the money order for the submission fee.

I called my gf J in a panic. Was this a sign that I shouldn't be attempting this, I asked her, or is this someone (see Murphy comment above) screwing with me, trying to prevent me from taking this step. It was her sleepy (time difference, I woke her up) opinion that Satan was screwing with me, and that it was God's guidance that had me discover the error. (If I hadn't printed off the 2nd manuscript, I never would have known. I'd printed the dang thing off I dunno how many times without a problem).

Sooooo, feeling somewhat more hopeful, I trundle in at opening this am. First thing that greets me, as I walk into the store is music over the speakers. Specifically, Wolf and my wedding song. I pray its an omen (good, don't be sarcastic here :P) and head to the postal outlet.

Not only did I get to swap it out, but she voided the envelope and gave me a new one, filled out the mailing info, etc...for free. WOOOO HOOOOO!!!!

So, at least if I don't succeed at *this* particular contest, I know that I was given help and guidance to at least ensure that it got there properly!

Perverse Nature

Reread that, folks. I said PERVERSE, not PERVERTED.

Thought I'd better clear that one up right from the get go.

Anyways, on to the thought of the moment.

I've been missing from the online world for a bit. Consumed by other duties, mainly focusing on some writing. It waxes and wanes as it always does, but I find myself more confident that it will swing back around.

Problem is, as its always been, my perverse nature.

I *should* be writing right now. And this doesn't count. I'm hip deep in a short I've been working on, roughly halfway through. And I've so far enjoyed writing the story, but I find myself avoiding it. I have a vague idea of how to end it, but not quite sure how to get there from where I am...and a part of me just doesn't want to get there yet. Why, I have no idea. Its not like I don't have a few million other things to do, or that there isn't a deadline looming, because there is. But, here I sit, blogging online.

I think part of it is that I do like the story, and how its gone thus far, and I'm afraid of screwing it up. I'm afraid that the story might actually be...well...good. And its not typical of my writing. Not saying my writing is normally mule puke, but that its not typical of the genre I tend to cling to as being familiar. Unknown territory.

I've already had to change the name of one of the main charecters. Apparently, Oprah has taken to calling girlie bits 'GiGi'. Who knew? Sure as heck not I, but on the idea that there are people out there that watch Oprah, I figured it wise to change the name.

How is it that I avoid doing what I enjoy? Why do I struggle with the idea of potential success? Is it that a part of me is convinced that being published is little more than a child's fantasy? Is it that I don't do well with rejection? Is it that I'm more comfortable with negative in my life than positive?

I believe the answer is yes to all of the above.

And its time to shake that, and get on with it.

Being Led?

Ok, to state the obvious, I survived Christmas. Actually, it turned out to be the best Christmas I've had yet during my marriage. Pretty sweet.

On to today/tonight's topic:

Ever have things come into play, fall into place that are subtle, yet totally unexpected and you can't help but wonder if God/Higher Power is giving you a swift kick in the hiney and telling you, "That's the way to go, hoss your freight already!" but the logical part of your brain tells you to quit being a tool, you're so eager/desperate for something to come along to make sense and give you direction that you might find mystical meaning in a snowbank?

How do you know which it is? Or do you just go on faith?

I've been praying since it became apparent that this CRPS crap wasn't going to just go away that I'd find direction, something that would somehow make sense, give me that 'aha!' moment. I dunno if this would make any sense to anyone else, but when the shit's hit the fan in my life, I've been able to look back and go, 'aha! If a hadn't happened, then I wouldn't have had b...' and it makes a weird sort of sense, that its all linked somehow, like a set of dominoes or a giant puzzle or tapestry...from every challenge, there's been a positive arise somehow. I've been looking for the positive in this stupid stupid STUPID work incident and CRPS, and coming up pretty empty...and then some info came to me which made a light go on and make me wonder...

So, am I alone in my weirdness of seeing positives directly arise from perceived negatives, or is it something that others have experienced?

And how do you tell if its God kicking your booty in a direction, or just your own hopeful desperation seeing meaning in nothing?

Survivor, Mommy Style

Out wit, out play, out last.

No, its not the latest Gilligan Island Lord Of The Flies with grown ups tv show, its parenting at Christmas time.

I don't know if its just my home, or if its a common parenting phenomanon, but the kids behaviour the last few weeks leading up to the holidays are enough to single handedly explain why drinking is so associated with the holidays. Good tidings my fat butt...its an attempt to keep from killing the kids.

Not even the threat/promise of the fat dude in the suit with toys is enough to modify the behaviour of the Stepford Heathens. Nope. I was 'talking' to Santa tonight, telling him how Tazzie wasn't going to bed nicely...and Tazzie sat on the landing laughing at me. I kid you not. Tazzie, for those who aren't aware, isn't even 4 yet.

What is it about the holidays that turns children into demon spawn? I mean, seriously, folks. I'd NEVER be one to claim model behaviour children, they're far too busy for that kind of nonsense, but normally, they're not sent from the bowels of Hades for the sole purpose of tormenting their innocent mother.

*listens to doors slamming, feet pounding, yelling from the bedroom area*

I've never understood the objection to duct tape. Seems a fine idea.

So does the Baileys in the cupboard...

But, since I have a mountain o'crud to accomplish, and no idea how its gonna get done (how the heck do you wrap gifts with one incredibly stupid, swollen, and painful hand? I'll let you know, but I'm guessing the answer is, "You wrap crappy.") I'll take this moment to wish everyone a Merry Christmas.

I'll be the one either passed out drunk under the tree with ribbon up my nose and wrapping paper in my ears, or heavily sedated in a locked facility.

Or...I'll post again. Place your bets now!