Sunday, January 4, 2009

Perverse Nature

Reread that, folks. I said PERVERSE, not PERVERTED.

Thought I'd better clear that one up right from the get go.

Anyways, on to the thought of the moment.

I've been missing from the online world for a bit. Consumed by other duties, mainly focusing on some writing. It waxes and wanes as it always does, but I find myself more confident that it will swing back around.

Problem is, as its always been, my perverse nature.

I *should* be writing right now. And this doesn't count. I'm hip deep in a short I've been working on, roughly halfway through. And I've so far enjoyed writing the story, but I find myself avoiding it. I have a vague idea of how to end it, but not quite sure how to get there from where I am...and a part of me just doesn't want to get there yet. Why, I have no idea. Its not like I don't have a few million other things to do, or that there isn't a deadline looming, because there is. But, here I sit, blogging online.

I think part of it is that I do like the story, and how its gone thus far, and I'm afraid of screwing it up. I'm afraid that the story might actually be...well...good. And its not typical of my writing. Not saying my writing is normally mule puke, but that its not typical of the genre I tend to cling to as being familiar. Unknown territory.

I've already had to change the name of one of the main charecters. Apparently, Oprah has taken to calling girlie bits 'GiGi'. Who knew? Sure as heck not I, but on the idea that there are people out there that watch Oprah, I figured it wise to change the name.

How is it that I avoid doing what I enjoy? Why do I struggle with the idea of potential success? Is it that a part of me is convinced that being published is little more than a child's fantasy? Is it that I don't do well with rejection? Is it that I'm more comfortable with negative in my life than positive?

I believe the answer is yes to all of the above.

And its time to shake that, and get on with it.


Linda said...

{{waving}} to You.

Iva said...

Or maybe, you love the story and the characters SO much that you don't want it to end...