Thursday, August 5, 2010

Neighbour Issue

Last night, I was in a great deal of pain, and so went to bed at 630 pm.

Or tried to.

My neighbour, a man nearing 50, believes himself to be an up and coming rock star.  His band plays in bars....although I'm betting they don't get any return gigs.  If they do, it speaks alarmingly of how much booze affects perception.

So, he was practicing.  Wolf and I had heard him warming up in a falsetto earlier, and as Wolf put it, "It sounds like he's slamming his male parts in a drawer.  Repeatedly."  I suggested, even dared Wolf to go bang on his door and ask if he was ok, but Wolf wouldn't.  Coward.

My bedroom window was open.  So was R's.  The room he was practicing in shares a wall with us, and of course the master bedroom is along this wall.  It sounded like he was standing on my bed, practicing.  At top volume.  What he lacks in talent, he makes up for in enthusiasm and volume.

He was singing in the dreadful falsetto.  He repeated the same song 3x before I realized that it was supposed to be a Led Zeppelin tune. "Rock 'n Roll"

This alarmed me.  First, I was raised on Zeppelin, Eagles, Doors, Steppenwolf, Bob Seger.  I could sing the lyrics to Zeppelin and Seger songs long before I knew my ABCs.  For me NOT to recognize a Zeppelin tune is an alarming thing, and speaks to how badly he was butchering it.  He must have repeated the song 6x altogether, and the only thing that improved was his enthusiasm, and self praise.  I'd never known someone that got worse with practice, but he does.

He then moved on to a Rascal Flatts song.  I have no idea which one, since I only identified it by the singer in the background.  My neighbour was pretty consistent in drowning it out, but I did catch enough bits and pieces to identify the band.

You know how when you're singing along with one of your favourite songs, but don't know all the lyrics quite yet, the way you garble something up, or "mmm" your way through that part?  Yeah.  Well.  R was garbling, at top volume.  Not only was he WILDLY off key, but his garbling didn't even match the missing lyrics syllables.  Seriously. It was bad.  Beyond bad.

I came downstairs, swearing that I was going to go shoot R in the face.  With a flame thrower.  I know where there are lighters and a can of hairspray in the house.

Thankfully, R gave up his vocal practicing shortly thereafter.

My ears seriously hurt after listening to him.  Like having a double ear infection hurt. 
Here's a free tip, in case R ever stumbles across the blog: Your band hasn't made it yet.  Either give it up, or find a different lead vocalist.

And if you EVER damage a Zeppelin song like that again, I have my hairspray at hand.

Don't say you weren't warned.

And stay the heck away from any Queen songs.  You don't want to know what the penalty for killing a Queen song is, but no jury would convict me, cause I'll record you first.

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