I had a complete meltdown and panic attack last night. It wasn't about anything you might think.
It was about a sewing pattern.
Yes, a sewing pattern. An 'Easy' sewing pattern at that.
You see, its my feverent hope and plan to make Diva a lovely dress/jumper for Christmas, and then give her the pattern so that she can make one of her own. I, with the help of K, picked out an easy pattern, and a lovely fabric that Diva will look wonderful in.
Believe it or not, its not the one handedness issue that has me freaking out. I plan to do the sewing on the days after I get the lidocaine infusion, so to be in the best possible physical shape.
And, a part of it is no doubt, spitting in the eye of RSD. To do something for my girl, regardless of the pain.
I also want to make her this incredible stocking as a surprise...it looks like a ballerina slipper. But, I promised I'd make the dress first.
So, last night, I finally put off getting this thing done. I wanted to pin the pieces into place, so that Saturday I could at least manage the cutting, if not some sewing.
I read the directions and promptly freaked out. It seems I'd forgotten how long ago it had been since Home Ec, and that the one sewing project I'd had was supposed to be a long sweatshirt with pockets (Hey, it was the 80s!) but looked like something with four arms.
I'm terrified. I have no flipping clue about sewing darts. And why the top would be in FOUR pieces. All it needs is a front, and a back. So WHY the four pieces???
But, this is about pleasing my daughter, not about my fears and insecurities. So, tonight, I will proceed. I will not allow my disability, or my shortcomings ruin this, or rob her.
I just pray that I don't completely screw it up.