Monday, June 23, 2008

Goodbye, Brett

Fair warning...this isn't a humourous blog, so you may want to keep on to the next blog on your list.

I was messing about on google yesterday, googling myself, family...and just for shits and giggles, put in an ex's name.

It came up with his obit.

To say I was shocked is an understatment. Reading that he had died of cancer was even more shocking.

I walked away from my computer, and sat quietly in my dark livingroom, and closed my eyes, remembering.

I adored Brett. Totally, completely, and utterly. The moment we met was like a lightening bolt, on both of our sides. Total shock, total wow, total everything. Ever see a scene in a movie where everyone else fades away except for the man and woman? Yeah, it was one of those.

I won't get into all the nitty gritty details. We broke up at one point, and ended up getting back together, with plans to elope. We missed our time at City Hall by 20 minutes, which is the only reason that we didn't get married that day. We broke up again shortly after, but Brett had a way of turning up again and again.

He wasn't a bad man. He was, however, a manic depressive, who refused to be treated. It made a relationship with him impossible. I never knew if he would show up, when, say trust was an issue is an understatment. When we were together, we were SOOOOOOO together. He made me feel loved and adored in a way I'd never known, like I'd hung the moon and the stars, and everything in between. But when he was like I ceased to exist for him. I couldn't handle that, couldn't handle never knowing what came next.

Up until I met Wolf, I truly believed in my heart of hearts that Brett was The One. A friend of mine describes it as a 'soul tie' and that's exactly right. And I'll admit, in a secret part of my heart that nobody knows but me, part of me has always wondered what if, what might have been, and wished that things had been so different. Even with the pain and heart break, I've never for a moment regretted what we had together.

I close my eyes, and see that grin of his. That slow, sexy, confident grin with the dash of mischief, and I smile to myself, as the tears well up.

Good bye, Brett. I'm glad to have loved and been loved by you, even for a time.

As we had often said, "Maybe in the next life..." but I sure as hell didn't expect you to go there so soon.

Good bye, Brett.

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