Egg Addict!

Princess kills me

I had boiled eggs for egg salad yesterday. I made some for Wolf's lunch, and then was making some for mine (none of the kids like it...well, as far as I knew!) Princess has changed her mind...about boiled eggs, anyways.

I caught her on the couch with a boiled egg. She'd peeled just enough shell off to take a bite and loudly announced, "YUMM!" Apparently, she's had a change of heart about eggs.

For breakfast this am, she had the last boiled egg, and asked for another one, dragging the carton out of fridge. I explained that they weren't cooked, they were still raw, so she couldn't have them...and promised to make her some later.

Next thing I know, Princess is heading at me with a pot...with 2 eggs in it. One broken, one whole. "Egg NOW?"

I guess later had arrived

Now I'm hearing, "Egg ready yet?" every few mins.

She's gone from not being willing to touch them with a 10 ft pole, to being an egg addict!

My Description of RSD

I was thinking about how to describe RSD in a way that someone can visualize. Heres what I came up with:

There's a dragon living in my arm. Its scales are made up of broken jagged glass and razor blades. Sometimes, the dragon is quiet, only moving restlessly in its sleep, breathing its steam breath. Even just by being present, the scales dig and rip at me...the restless dreaming is the best I can ever hope for. Then there are the other times, when its active, twisting and turning, its tail wrapping around my wrist or shoulder or elbow, and then dragging its tail away. It breathes fire everywhere, and it feels like every where its scales and claws are, my arm is being torn, ripped. This is my 'normal'.

Then there are the really terrible times. The dragon is angry about being trapped in my arm and wants out. It writhes in fury, clawing, biting, ripping and tearing, while trying to set fire to burn its way out.

These sensations are so real that I look at my arm, expecting to see the jagged glass trying to push through my skin.

Thats the most visual way I can think of to describe what living with RSD is like.

Horrifying Experience

At Chapters on the weekend. My gf K and I were out, getting books for Diva, and I had $100 worth of gift cards (God bless Airmiles!) to spend.

I think I'm permanently scarred. My psyche will not recover quickly. Their 'classics' section was a whopping 2 bookshelves. And most of the books were REPEATS. Anne of Green Gables was there in 3 or 4 forms. The top shelf was all dvds.

I cannot tell you how many shelves were dedicated to vampire/supernatural/romance aimed at teens, however. I closed my eyes and hurried past

WTH is going on in our society?? Don't get me wrong, I'm all for kids reading, and one of my brothers was gifted comic books simply to get him to read ANYTHING at all.

Why do preteens/teens need to be reading about sex? Why are so many books aimed at preteen girls about boyfriends? Isn't it teaching preteens/teens that the world revolves around having a guy in their life? How about something that is about a young woman achieving something, other than hooking the guy she has a crush on?

Ack!!

What I Want For My Kids

There's tonnes of updates that I'll get to another time. Someone asked me what I wanted for my kids, for their futures. This is my answer.

When I think about what I want for my children, what readily comes to mind is what I DON'T want.

I don't want them to be like me. Worker's Comp forced me to go through a battery of psych testing, including IQ. All it did was prove my pain WASN'T in my head and that I'm in the top 4th percentile of ppl my age. Not that being bright has done anything for me. I was a lowly nursing attendant, FINALLY going to go back to school (online, part time) get my Licensed Practical Nurse cert, and from there my RN with an eye to either being a Nurse Practitioner or a midwife. Of course, one assault by a resident has left me with a lifetime of chronic pain disability, so that's shot all to h*ll. At this point, I couldn't handle ONE course at a college/University level due to the pain and unpredictable nature of it, sitting through a single class would be a nightmare if the pain were bad, and completing coursework? Yeah. Not.

So I don't want them to be like me. I want them to use the brains God gave them (all my kids have shown clear signs of being very bright) and DO something. Find something they love and pursue it.

I don't want them to struggle financially as I always have.

I don't want them to be a single parent.

I don't want them having a family before they've had a 'life'. I want them to have pursued everything they want to as young, single people that tends to be put aside when raising a family. Higher education, travel...whatever. And if they don't want any of those things, that's fine! But if they do, I want them to have the chance to do it.

I don't want them to be in their 30s, 40s and beyond with 'I wish I had...'

I want them to be young and foolish, to make mistakes, but not life altering ones...no scars on their minds, hearts, souls.

I want them to grow with faith. I want them to be steeped in it, to KNOW without question that God loves them, and is always there for them...especially when the day comes that I'm not any longer. I don't want them to struggle to find their way to God the way I've had to.

I want them to know, with every fibre of their being, that their Mommy loves them, forever and for always.

I want them to know that their Daddy loves them, is proud of them, would give everything he has, is, and will ever be for their safety and happiness.

I want them to be strong,confident, healthy, secure people. To trust others. To make friends easily, to know good from bad, truth from lies.

Yes, I want my children to be and to have everything I'm not and don't.

I want them to grow up to be anybody but me.