Contemplating the Future

Yes, long time no post!

There's been so much going on, I hardly know where to begin.

First off, the MPO.  Contradictory info, basically sent us back to the beginning in terms of dealing with WCB.  3 yrs in, and no further ahead.  *sigh*  In fact, they're sending me back to work, yet AGAIN the 2nd wk of August.  As per experience, I expect it to fail miserably, but have to jump through the hoop anyways.

So, what else is going on?

Well, Wolf and I are adding to the crew.  Yup.  Baby Boy Tummy is due mid Nov.  How's that for news?  Crazy, aint it?  It took us a while to get over the shock, LOL!  Kidlets are excited.  They've been to the u/s appts, and so have even gotten to see their new baby brother.

We still look at and dream about moving to an acreage.  Where, we don't know.  Originally, we were looking at one province over, due to the cheap real estate prices, ease of moving, and Wolf having cousins there.  Then we switched gears and were intent on moving back to my home province.  Weather is far better there for me, my family would be within hours driving, and some of the places are still in our budget.

Now, we're not sure anymore.  Back to considering the original plan.  Part of it is absolutely that moving across country is completely daunting.  First off, we'd have to replace our vehicle.  It just wouldn't make the trip.  Second, buying property from several provinces away is enough to freak both of us out...yet if we wait til we get there, it'll mean trying to secure a rental, and be stuck in that for a year.  Yuck, yuck, yuck.  So, spending a lot of time in prayer, asking for guidance on that issue...and also that something happens soon to make it all possible.  Sooooo sick of being stuck in the city we're in.  We even considered moving to another rental, but its pretty insane here.  First of all, we'd end up paying at least as much as a mortgage, if not more.  There's no way to save $ on moving, everything we've seen is more than what we pay now.  I refuse to move and watch our rent go up by several hundred dollars.  So, we're basically stuck.

As much as there have been some changes, some up coming events, we're still in the same holding pattern we've been in for the last 3 yrs.  Blech.

On the good note, MIL isn't visiting this summer.  There's nobody willing to host her for six wks.  We can't.  Her sib in the province flat out won't.  So, we get a break.

Oh, and speaking of MIL...she threw a blue hissy fit over finding out we were expecting again.  We have no right to have another child, since we're already not living up to our responsibilities aka moving her in and taking care of her.  *sigh*  I'm back to avoiding contact with her, so as not to rip her face off over the phone.

My parents are due to land in the city in a few wks.  They'll be in town for a wk.  We'll see how that one goes.

Worst Migraine EVER

I've had migraines as long as I can remember.

The one I had last night scared the heck out of me. I've had some bad ones since developing RSD, but this...this was something else.

First, keep in mind I'm on pretty heavy narcotics to start with, with a short term 'emergency' narcotic to take when the pain is beyond coping with.

So, for a migraine to get through my 'normal' meds is pretty harsh.

For it not to respond to my fast acting meds...that's even worse.

This was so incredibly bad that not only could I not move my head because my neck muscles completely seized up, but I also vomited x2. Normally, if I'm sleeping during the day (this hit at about 1215 pm...I woke dh from a nap at 130, and was in bed shortly after) I wear ear plugs and use a shirt rolled up over my eyes as a sort of sleep mask.

I couldn't use the ear plugs. They hurt like I was putting hot drill bits in my ears.

I couldn't use the shirt. It felt like I was trying to gouge out my eyes with my thumbs. Even unrolling and draping the shirt over my eyes was too much to bear. I pushed it aside, but it was still touching the top of my head, making me feel like something was trying to crush the top of my skull.

Even laying on my side, the pressure of my hand under my pillow was too much. Rolling over made me feel like my head was going to fall off.

Normally, with a migraine, I have my hand/arm over my eyes. Going up the stairs to bed, I couldn't figure out where to hold...my eyes, forehead, top of skull or back because it all hurt so badly, and felt like my skull was going to shatter.

The light and sound sensitivity was beyond incredible.

Today, I still feel very nauseated, and my neck muscles are still tight...not as bad as last night. I have pressure in the back of my skull, creeping up the right side, and beginning to make my right eye water as the pain/pressure starts up again.

I called my Dr, he's on vacation.

Called the health link, nurse says to go to a walk in clinic.

My gf, that had an aneurysm a few years ago is demanding I go into the ER, because what I had last night is EXACTLY how she felt a few days before she ended up in the hospital...after hers had ruptured, she was still walking around for a few days.

Wolf is at work. Unless the pain amps up, I'm waiting til he's home to do anything.

Aimless

I feel like a dandelion seed, tumbling wherever the wind sends me, without any hope of guidance or control over my path or destination.

Everything in my life hinges on decisions made for me, about me, by others who don't have the first foggiest clue as to who I am as a person, but just a case file. I feel like my humanity, my life is being reduced to pieces of paper, statistics, and what someone else thinks should be happening, working, whatever.

It looks like PT is rapidly coming to an end. No improvements = waste of time and resources. My fear is, how much WORSE is it going to get without PT? Is PT stopping it from getting completely out of control? Or is it simply a placebo? According to the research my PT gave me last night, there is absolutely no rhyme or reason for recovery...or non recovery. No time line. Either you recover, or you don't. Yay. I seem to be fitting in the 'don't' category.

So, I have an appt for a pain clinic on the 8th. Consultation. See what if anything they suggest, because my migraines are increasing in frequency and intensity...and that's got to be somehow related to this CRPS. Lack of sleep, stress of chronic pain, whatever.

Its all completely frustrating.